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- Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:41 am
To those who are in a similar type of relationship, I advice you to end the relationship. I know that you have to fight for your love. But you also have to know when to say goodbye. If you've tried to do everything you can to save the relationship but nothing is working, breakup. Do it before you end up hating each other. Do it before you lose respect for each other.
Love To Talk
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:23 am
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Fri Jun 20, 2014 6:37 pm
- Location: SC
I read this book 10-10-10, which poses the question, where do you want to be in 10 minutes, 10 days, 10 years!? And I knew I had to make a change. I was very very depressed.
And so I did something even more STUPID!!!!!
I eventually started talking to someone on the net. He was very encouraging to talk to in emails and chat. He was busy, an EMT. We communicated like that for almost 4 years. Nearing the 5th year, I decided to accept his offer of help. He knew I was in an abusive relationship although it had not always been that way. So, I'm here now with him in another state. I grew very ill with my diabetes. Our relationship started off great. But he hid a few things from me like, his wife in Mass (seperated for 10 years) just not divorced yet. And he also hid another relationship from me, a woman that he had married when he was drunk! Okay, when I moved in with him he never ever drank. Nothing, nada. But then he buys a home (he says for us) and then he starts drinking. Of course the home is in the name of his TRUST! He says he bought the home "for us." As I said, he started drinking. He says, "because I feel relaxed now." Okie dokie. So now I'm having a hard time with diabetes, blood sugar levels climbing higher due to stress. I'm on a special injectable drug for that. He says, "To me, you are my wife." Apparently in Mass. it is expensive to get a divorce--he'll get taken to the cleaners he says until he sells his parents' home. Homes are slow to sell. The other woman he married on the drunk spree, he still has not divorced her yet either. If you are thinking I'm waiting for this man to get a divorce from #1 and #2, I'm NOT! I am waiting for him to get his legal stuff straightened out because I think this is why he is drinking. I told him, "Wouldn't it be nice to see how you feel just being yourself!!!! (Unemcumbered)?
Do you see my quandary? I Can't find work. Chronic illness. Who'd want me? He did, but I have to ask why? And he hid all those things from me until I got here. I was very up front with him. At least I do have a divorce. I had to snoop because he was acting strangely evasive when he would get these mysterious calls from #1 woman and #2 woman who use him like he is a bank autoteller! Very sad that. I had been used like that by my ex sometimes, so I know how that felt. But my radar was going off. This guy lied out the wazoo! And now I'm trapped here because of my health and I can't find work. This is a rural area. I have no car. No health care. No job. No prospects though I keep looking. Sucky is a vast understatement.
But I know someone out there knows someone that has been in a similar sucky situation, and they got out of it. So I try to keep positive as possible.
This guy, before I came here said that I didn't need to bring anything with me, cut your ties there, he said. So I did. I signed over my portion of my half of the house I had to my daughter. She knows I'm having terrible trouble here and yet she says, "I don't have the room for you here. I can't store your things. My father won't let you stay either." Well ain't that wunnerful! Slit my wrists with a wet noodle!!!!! OY! (Okay, I'm making light of a very very bad situation). Don't get anxious!
Children--they will steal the cardboard box you live in! Although I signed off and gave her my cardboard box! Such gratitude. I'm just overjoyed of course. Actually I am scared. I have panic attacks. My doctor just found 5 tumors on my thyroid. No insurance. No job. Yes, I stepped in it.
So, when to end a relationship. Oh boy! I'm flabbergasted--by my life you can see that.
I want to say someone please help me, because I know that is what will have to happen to give me the leg up I need to get out out of this mess. No, I don't mean money exactly. I mean a job of some kind. In the state where I am you have to have certification to prove you can breathe air properly, so I will have to clean houses or whatever I can find. Top jobs here are minimum wage, but maybe if 2 employers would work with scheduling I could hold 2 jobs like I did when I was 16 or 24? And I will have to be careful how I do things, because this person I live with is also a controller. He doesn't want me working! Okie doke. This is going to take some tall management, but I know there have been other women who've done stupid things and they got out of it.
So someone read this and talk to me. I'm down, panic attacks, lonely. I feel all alone. There's no help. There's no work!
And in the meantime, I'll keep volunteering 1 day a week at the Humane Society because it makes me feel less useless and helpless. At least some good pups get adopted because I come in a few hours 1 day a week.
I love you guys, whoever you are. I wish you well, plus an improved life. We're gonna all make it. I know I am going to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. One good choice, then another one and another one. Somehow I've forgotten, but I am remembering. The highest function of the mind is to preserve the body, a learned intellectual friend once told me.