Cheated on, lied to, manipulated, betrayed...etc.

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Cheated on, lied to, manipulated, betrayed...etc.

Postby ××double-crossed ×× » Wed Mar 22, 2017 1:03 pm

hello. I will remain nameless throughout this autobiography of the last 2 years of my life. One reason being that I have been made a complete fool out of and I not only feel stupid as f*** for letting this kinda thing happen right in front of my eyes, but I am utterly ashamed that my so-called amazing new beginning of the rest of my life would soon become a strict tragedy. I'm at a loss for words, emotions, my partner, my "best" friend, my home, my 2 gorgeous puppies. and quite possibly my outstandingly intelligent 2-year-old son. I need somebody to talk to cause I have posted absolutely everything and need help to cope without revenge. if u need/want a brief description of what happened, then here you go. My fiance cheated on me multiple times with my best friend at the time.....oh yea and got her pregnant. i am so hurt, lost, stressed, empty, bad in need of a little positive reinforcement. please help. thanks.

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Re: Cheated on, lied to, manipulated, betrayed...etc.

Postby talkadmin » Thu Mar 23, 2017 7:37 pm

Hi Double Crossed,

Those feels suck. They are born out of unmet expectations. You expected a faithful dude who loved, honored and cherished you, but you ended up with a horn dog. It's not your fault and it's tough to hear, but it's not his fault either. He made a choice, a shitty one, but it is what it is. I know you feel double-crossed and I don't know the entire story but everyone that has ever been hurt by someone is due to expectations. See, expectations are hidden resentments. You now resent that he did this. You might "Feel" he did this to you, but in fact, he did this to himself. You're not a victim either, you're a bystander and you can choose to be a victim of his shitty choices, or you can be grateful that it happened sooner rather than later and you didn't spend 20-years with him to find out that he's been doing it all along, which would have just made you feel the same way because you expected him not to do that shit. But, I digress, he did it, You can now rise above it and move on, or you can dwell on it and continue to feel shitty. The beauty of that is, now, it's up to you how you feel. It really has always been up to you.

He didn't make a complete fool out of you, he made one out himself by his own choices and flawed decisions. We all make flawed decisions at times, just some of them are shittier than others and affect other people. Some we don't even know. Sure, you might feel stupid as f***, but honey, you certainly didn't "let it happen right in front of your eyes". While you feel ashamed, that that sucks too, you can shake that off. Being ashamed implies that people are judging you and that typically is a feeling when you're projecting (you're judging him so you think everyone is doing that to you). But studies show that most people are so involved in their own lives they don't have time to judge others.

It's like when I'm driving and there are assholes all around me that don't know how to drive. We'll, that's my judgment due to an expectation I have that people behind a steering wheel of a vehicle should know how to drive it. But, it's really easy to get a drivers license in the USA and because there are tons of shitty ass drivers, 1.2 million people die behind the wheel of a car every year in the USA. That statistic is like having a 737 airplane drop out of the sky every hour and everyone on the plane dies. Yes, every freaking hour for a whole year. So, can I "blame" them for being shitty drivers and causing accidents, or are they just making really bad choices behind the wheel? A bad driver causing an accident made a bad choice by not paying attention or doing something they shouldn't be doing. Hell, I've done that too. Luckily I've never been in a serious accident. But those decisions affect everyone involved in the accident and the person that caused it just made a bad decision. Now, there are laws for this type of bad choice if it involved drinking and driving, but it's just an analogy.

They key to dealing with those kinds of feelings is to go out and do something good for yourself. If your fiance cheated multiple times, maybe has really not into being monogamous. Maybe he's freaked out about getting married and self-sabotaged his relationship subconsciously. If your "best friend" got pregnant by your fiance, whether she plans to keep it or not, you have some of your own decisions to make. The amazing thing about being human is that we all go through this shit. It makes us stronger, better people. I tell my kids, that life is amazing, tough, fun, and they should pursue their dreams and goals because no one gets out alive!

Now, go do something fun for yourself. Get a massage or a mani-pedi or go out and do something fun with other friends. Whatever you do, try not to dwell on it and wishing it didn't happen is like staring in the rear-view mirror. It's not healthy. It's okay to glance in the rear-view, just don't stare at it.

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