When to end a relationship

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When to end a relationship

Postby pbob » Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:22 am

Like what I mentioned on my first post, I've just come out of a five-year relationship. The breakup was a mutual decision. We didn't want to end it. We wanted to hold on to the relationship because five years of being together is not a joke. But the relationship was not healthy anymore. We kept arguing about all sorts of things. It's like every little thing that one person does irritates the other. So we had a long talk and then decided that it would be best for both of us to part ways. That was a very hard decision to make. We still love each other but we didn't want to end up totally hating each other. It was a good five years. But as they say, some good things never last.

To those who are in a similar type of relationship, I advice you to end the relationship. I know that you have to fight for your love. But you also have to know when to say goodbye. If you've tried to do everything you can to save the relationship but nothing is working, breakup. Do it before you end up hating each other. Do it before you lose respect for each other.

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Re: When to end a relationship

Postby Love To Talk » Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:46 pm

It takes two. Love does not form in a vacuum and neither do arguments, resentments, judgments, expectations, etc.. all the B.S. we have in our heads is mostly our own perceptions and beliefs. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day or every week I have to make a conscience decision to either be right or happy.

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Re: When to end a relationship

Postby Sigma duct » Tue Jul 09, 2013 9:35 pm

Is anyone out there?

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Re: When to end a relationship

Postby Love To Talk » Wed Jul 10, 2013 10:14 pm

Sigma duct wrote:Is anyone out there?

Sounds like a song title....

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Re: When to end a relationship (good topic)

Postby iluvtrees » Fri Jun 20, 2014 7:20 pm

I have trouble with that one. My last relationship of about 29 years attests to that. When we lost our home, things went down hill. Something happened to him. He lost it. It broke him. This saddened me greatly. I helped us to recover as best we could. But nothing made him happy. He became extremely selfish. To the point he began to begrudge me my diabetic care. I just visit a dr once a year. I work out, and I walk daily. No big deal. My drugs are generic. Well, soon he was begrudging me the food I eat. I began to go to food banks, although this is not proper food for a diabetic. I enrolled in a certificate course hoping I could find work as a nursing home activity director. There were no jobs available. I kept looking. Found nothing that would support myself. So I kept staying in the relationship. He began to rescue dogs. He would spend between $6,000 and $10,000 a year on the dogs. One night one of the dogs attacked me grabbing onto my right arm. He almost refused to take me to the emergency room. His fear was for the dog, that they would put her down. I loved the dogs too, don't get me wrong. But this man filed bankruptcy because of too many vet bills! In the ER room at the hospital, I was crying because the flesh on my arm had deep puncture wounds. He told me to "Shut the --uck up!" He had never ever talked to me like that in my entire life! I was so sad and so depressed over his behavior.

I read this book 10-10-10, which poses the question, where do you want to be in 10 minutes, 10 days, 10 years!? And I knew I had to make a change. I was very very depressed.

And so I did something even more STUPID!!!!!

I eventually started talking to someone on the net. He was very encouraging to talk to in emails and chat. He was busy, an EMT. We communicated like that for almost 4 years. Nearing the 5th year, I decided to accept his offer of help. He knew I was in an abusive relationship although it had not always been that way. So, I'm here now with him in another state. I grew very ill with my diabetes. Our relationship started off great. But he hid a few things from me like, his wife in Mass (seperated for 10 years) just not divorced yet. And he also hid another relationship from me, a woman that he had married when he was drunk! Okay, when I moved in with him he never ever drank. Nothing, nada. But then he buys a home (he says for us) and then he starts drinking. Of course the home is in the name of his TRUST! He says he bought the home "for us." As I said, he started drinking. He says, "because I feel relaxed now." Okie dokie. So now I'm having a hard time with diabetes, blood sugar levels climbing higher due to stress. I'm on a special injectable drug for that. He says, "To me, you are my wife." Apparently in Mass. it is expensive to get a divorce--he'll get taken to the cleaners he says until he sells his parents' home. Homes are slow to sell. The other woman he married on the drunk spree, he still has not divorced her yet either. If you are thinking I'm waiting for this man to get a divorce from #1 and #2, I'm NOT! I am waiting for him to get his legal stuff straightened out because I think this is why he is drinking. I told him, "Wouldn't it be nice to see how you feel just being yourself!!!! (Unemcumbered)?

Do you see my quandary? I Can't find work. Chronic illness. Who'd want me? He did, but I have to ask why? And he hid all those things from me until I got here. I was very up front with him. At least I do have a divorce. I had to snoop because he was acting strangely evasive when he would get these mysterious calls from #1 woman and #2 woman who use him like he is a bank autoteller! Very sad that. I had been used like that by my ex sometimes, so I know how that felt. But my radar was going off. This guy lied out the wazoo! And now I'm trapped here because of my health and I can't find work. This is a rural area. I have no car. No health care. No job. No prospects though I keep looking. Sucky is a vast understatement.

But I know someone out there knows someone that has been in a similar sucky situation, and they got out of it. So I try to keep positive as possible.

This guy, before I came here said that I didn't need to bring anything with me, cut your ties there, he said. So I did. I signed over my portion of my half of the house I had to my daughter. She knows I'm having terrible trouble here and yet she says, "I don't have the room for you here. I can't store your things. My father won't let you stay either." Well ain't that wunnerful! Slit my wrists with a wet noodle!!!!! OY! (Okay, I'm making light of a very very bad situation). Don't get anxious!

Children--they will steal the cardboard box you live in! Although I signed off and gave her my cardboard box! Such gratitude. I'm just overjoyed of course. Actually I am scared. I have panic attacks. My doctor just found 5 tumors on my thyroid. No insurance. No job. Yes, I stepped in it.

So, when to end a relationship. Oh boy! I'm flabbergasted--by my life you can see that.

I want to say someone please help me, because I know that is what will have to happen to give me the leg up I need to get out out of this mess. No, I don't mean money exactly. I mean a job of some kind. In the state where I am you have to have certification to prove you can breathe air properly, so I will have to clean houses or whatever I can find. Top jobs here are minimum wage, but maybe if 2 employers would work with scheduling I could hold 2 jobs like I did when I was 16 or 24? And I will have to be careful how I do things, because this person I live with is also a controller. He doesn't want me working! Okie doke. This is going to take some tall management, but I know there have been other women who've done stupid things and they got out of it.

So someone read this and talk to me. I'm down, panic attacks, lonely. I feel all alone. There's no help. There's no work!

And in the meantime, I'll keep volunteering 1 day a week at the Humane Society because it makes me feel less useless and helpless. At least some good pups get adopted because I come in a few hours 1 day a week.

I love you guys, whoever you are. I wish you well, plus an improved life. We're gonna all make it. I know I am going to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. One good choice, then another one and another one. Somehow I've forgotten, but I am remembering. The highest function of the mind is to preserve the body, a learned intellectual friend once told me.


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